Nope. Not Dead.

Although my mind and body have been fairly occupied with work and a few family crisis, I have not forsaken you, my friends. I have had to remove myself from a few activities -- just because I wasn't in a healthy place.

I'm trying not to stay in negative places, so I'm not going to rehash the last month, but I have emerged from the trials a better and stronger person.

Work is still amazing. It is actually a joy to go to work in the morning.

I'm knitting mostly on the Big Ass Felted Bag...a large striped shoulder bag made from scraps. Myfanwe likes a roomy bag, so when I am finished knitting, it will be fairly sleeping-bag sized before felting. And I'll be out of worsted scraps, so Myfanwe won't have an excuse to deny me yarn. (Oh, who am I kidding?)

dis, dat, and de udder ting...

KNITTING

Well, let's see. I have been working with intent, wanting to spend some time on the shawl I'm knitting/praying for my cousin, 80 year old Sister Clemente. I have a great picture to show everyone -- I've just been too lazy to upload the pics. Forgive me.

Anyway, I have about a foot knit. I'm enjoying it.

Next project will be a prayer shawl knit from the cream ultra-fine lace weight made from merino and cashmere. The design is Hanabi, and I am going to knit a variation -- a cherry blossom festival shawl -- as a gift for a a friend who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She'll be undergoing a radical mastectomy soon.

PRAY FOR ME...

After the rehearsal dinner and the rehearsal, Boys Night Out began.

The boys in questions were the Groom, the Groom's Dad, Me -- Best Man -- and Norbert, the Bride's brother, Dave, and Elmer, a friend of the Groom's Dad.

These are not party people.

The wild and crazy evening was spent bowling at the Christian Center in Peoria, Illinois. I'm pretty sure I was the first unrepentant Jew to ever set foot in the place.

During that evening of raucous hijinks I learned a few things:

1. These are not my people.

2. Even when they bowl a strike, Mormon Elder's don't smile. Which is funny, since everyone else seemed to smile entirely too much. Made me worry they were pod people planning to eat my spleen or something.

3. I was not meant to spend time in a place where the soda stand closes at 9:00 p.m.


I kind of wonder what would have happened if I had sat at the back of the lane and knit lace. I'm picturing Christian heads exploding left and right.

The two weddings have gone off with nary a hitch and my Best Man duties discharged to the best of my ability. Frequent meditation on my limitless love for Myfanwe allowed me to suppress every impulse to throw her mother in front of a moving truck. Not that she didn't deserve it. 134 times, if my count is correct. I resisted the urge -- though I still maintain that there is nothing wrong with Myfanwe's mother that a diuretic and a public whipping wouldn't cure.

I'm going to my happy place now.

Norbert, Myfanwe and I are looking forward to getting back home where any insanity is ours and is generally quieter and less drama-driven.

P.S. I've got to find a book of lace patterns -- I'll write more on the circumstances, but I suddenly have enough fine lace-weight merino/cashmere to knit a shawl for the Florida State Athletic Department. I was thinking Arctic Lace. Any suggestions?

GOTTA RUN

We are headed out today to my brother-in-law's wedding, at which I will serve as best man and Norbert will serve as Junior Groomsman.

But I couldn't leave town without saying a few things about my first three days at work.

I think I am going to be happy here.

Everyone I have met has been friendly. I've already gotten some interesting new cases. My partner and I share a secretary who is an absolute spitfire and can do almost anything. My new office is big enough for a chair for a visitor, and I have two large walls which are screaming out for real art. (Anyone got any framed Chinese landscapes laying around the attic?)

Oh -- and yesterday was my first Wednesday. The firm provides breakfast. It was positively Bacchanalian. Way too much to choose from. Although I did manage to get intimate with a chocolate muffin!

I'll write more when we are back.

FROM BONDAGE TO FREEDOM...

...AND BACK AGAIN.

So -- lots and lots to catch up on.

Friday was my last day at my firm. It was sad, but I lived through it and was prepared for 2 weeks "vacation before starting my new job.

We left immediately for Toledo, Ohio where we spent the weekend and the beginning of Passover with dear friends.

On Monday, before the seder, I got a call from the partner for whom I have worked. He had chosen a firm and wanted to know if I would consider following him. An hour later the firm called.

This morning I met with them. And an hour after that I had a firm offer. A better offer. A much larger firm. Better money, fewer hours, and much more flexibility. And I get to work for the guy I've been working for, which is the major plus. I accepted.

I tried three times to call the partner at the other firm and got her voice mail. I will leave a message tomorrow for her to call me. I feel like a pusbag for bailing on them, but I need to think about what is the right decision for my family, and there is no doubt in my mind that I made the right one.

As for knitting, I haven't gotten too far. Kwiky taught me the crocheted provisional cast on, which worked well, but every time I knit the first row of the pattern I come up with the wrong number of stitches at the end. I'm going to make a lace book and see if that helps.

My angst is nearly over -- now I just have to start the new job and dazzle them. The dazzling should be the easy part.

Thanks again to everyone who offered such kind and encouraging words. I am very lucky.

I'VE MADE A MAJOR DECISION...

Maybe giving myself a few days to wallow in self pity after learning my firm was going to close was a bit optimistic. It has been 17 days, and I am still grieving. I'm not going to be following my boss, which is a real loss to me. And even though I have a really good job to go to, I'm still very, very depressed. (I'm not proud of it, but one day this week found me walking down Michigan Avenue on my lunch hour listening to the Wicked soundtrack on the iPod and crying like a 5 year old. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.)

I have been working hard at getting all of my boss' files in order, packed, indexed, and ready for him so that when he arrives at his new firm he'll be able to find what he needs. (He's been out of town for a week and won't be back until the last week of the month.)

The other two paralegals have pretty much checked out. One questioned why I would work so hard because she doesn't "give a f**k about this place". The other is angry and thinks that the partners decided to close just to spite her. Rarely, even in good times, did either of them have a good thing to say about anyone -- including me -- but now they are even more offensive.

Neither of them has been any help. They sit at their desks playing solitaire and waiting out the clock while I fill dumpster after dumpster with discardable files and pack box after box of files, label the boxes, and make an index of what is in each one. All this toting and lifting has not been good for my back, which is killing me.

It isn't as if I don't understand the urge to just sit at my desk and vegetate. It would certainly be easier on my back. But if I did check out, knowing that my boss thought enough of my work and tried his best to take me with him to his next firm, it would be telling him that his belief in me was misplaced. I may not get to continue working with him, but I still want his respect.

So I keep plugging away.


BUT WAIT! I MADE A MAJOR DECISION -- REMEMBER?

I have decided to knit this.



Eunny Jang's Print o' the Wave Shawl. Well, actually, I am going to knit a variation of it. (I'm going to knit the center panel in one piece and skip the grafting which is difficult in lace and I don't think looks all that great.) I have a whole bunch (1720 yards) of Knitpicks Alpaca Cloud in Midnight Heather, which I think will look elegant, and I have enough of it that I can make the shawl a little wider than the pattern. I have never knit lace that had a border knit separately, so this will be a new skill for me.

Myfanwe asked who I would knit it for. After all these years married to a knitter, she still doesn't get it.

...LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD

I have accepted a position at a new firm. It is a good firm with a decent reputation and a stable and abundant client base. The people are pleasant and the work will be challenging and allow me to grow in many ways professionally.

That said, this wonderful news is bittersweet.

I know I should be dancing for joy, but I am still grieving many things. I will no longer be working with or for the partner I have come to hold in great esteem. I will be working longer hours and see less of Norbert because of it. My vacation time will be cut in half. All these things make me very sad.

As ungrateful as I sound, I am trying my best to get past the grieving stage and move towards acceptance. If it takes me a little while to get there, please forgive me.

Thank you to everyone who sent their thoughts, prayers, meditation, creative visualization, etc. my way. You are all really wonderful people and my life is richer for having you.

THIS IS THE DAY!

Another bleak, picture less post. I promise better soon.

Nothing definite on the job front, but I have now moved squarely into the hopeful camp. I will survive this change, and I will be better for it. The kind wishes of all my blog-friends has really meant a lot to me. I cannot thank you enough.

As I was on my way to my first interview, our receptionist said "Oh, Aidan. This is going to be great. This is the day!"

Which triggered the lyrics and melody from some choral piece I sang oh, I don't know, 25 years ago, playing in my head:

This is the day that the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Give thanks to the Lord,
For G-d is good,
And His mercies endure forever.


If you have to have an ear worm playing over and over in your head, that isn't a bad message. This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Quote of the Day

"Did I tell you I rode in a car last week with a woman who was a professional elephant trainer?"

-- Words you never expect to hear come
out of your wife's mouth...ever.--

ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Thank you to everyone who left comments or wrote with encouragement. I am really touched.

My plan was that I would give myself until today to wallow in self-pity, the pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. And to some extent I have done that. I've managed to get four resumes out and already have my first interview scheduled for Wednesday.

I am much more depressed than I expected. The idea of a new job -- while an absolute imperative -- leaves me almost paralyzed with sadness. All I want to do is sleep. Which is bad, because I've got a bit of an insomnia problem. I don't even want to knit.

I don't know what to do to shake this.