I'VE MADE A MAJOR DECISION...

Maybe giving myself a few days to wallow in self pity after learning my firm was going to close was a bit optimistic. It has been 17 days, and I am still grieving. I'm not going to be following my boss, which is a real loss to me. And even though I have a really good job to go to, I'm still very, very depressed. (I'm not proud of it, but one day this week found me walking down Michigan Avenue on my lunch hour listening to the Wicked soundtrack on the iPod and crying like a 5 year old. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.)

I have been working hard at getting all of my boss' files in order, packed, indexed, and ready for him so that when he arrives at his new firm he'll be able to find what he needs. (He's been out of town for a week and won't be back until the last week of the month.)

The other two paralegals have pretty much checked out. One questioned why I would work so hard because she doesn't "give a f**k about this place". The other is angry and thinks that the partners decided to close just to spite her. Rarely, even in good times, did either of them have a good thing to say about anyone -- including me -- but now they are even more offensive.

Neither of them has been any help. They sit at their desks playing solitaire and waiting out the clock while I fill dumpster after dumpster with discardable files and pack box after box of files, label the boxes, and make an index of what is in each one. All this toting and lifting has not been good for my back, which is killing me.

It isn't as if I don't understand the urge to just sit at my desk and vegetate. It would certainly be easier on my back. But if I did check out, knowing that my boss thought enough of my work and tried his best to take me with him to his next firm, it would be telling him that his belief in me was misplaced. I may not get to continue working with him, but I still want his respect.

So I keep plugging away.


BUT WAIT! I MADE A MAJOR DECISION -- REMEMBER?

I have decided to knit this.



Eunny Jang's Print o' the Wave Shawl. Well, actually, I am going to knit a variation of it. (I'm going to knit the center panel in one piece and skip the grafting which is difficult in lace and I don't think looks all that great.) I have a whole bunch (1720 yards) of Knitpicks Alpaca Cloud in Midnight Heather, which I think will look elegant, and I have enough of it that I can make the shawl a little wider than the pattern. I have never knit lace that had a border knit separately, so this will be a new skill for me.

Myfanwe asked who I would knit it for. After all these years married to a knitter, she still doesn't get it.

...LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD

I have accepted a position at a new firm. It is a good firm with a decent reputation and a stable and abundant client base. The people are pleasant and the work will be challenging and allow me to grow in many ways professionally.

That said, this wonderful news is bittersweet.

I know I should be dancing for joy, but I am still grieving many things. I will no longer be working with or for the partner I have come to hold in great esteem. I will be working longer hours and see less of Norbert because of it. My vacation time will be cut in half. All these things make me very sad.

As ungrateful as I sound, I am trying my best to get past the grieving stage and move towards acceptance. If it takes me a little while to get there, please forgive me.

Thank you to everyone who sent their thoughts, prayers, meditation, creative visualization, etc. my way. You are all really wonderful people and my life is richer for having you.

THIS IS THE DAY!

Another bleak, picture less post. I promise better soon.

Nothing definite on the job front, but I have now moved squarely into the hopeful camp. I will survive this change, and I will be better for it. The kind wishes of all my blog-friends has really meant a lot to me. I cannot thank you enough.

As I was on my way to my first interview, our receptionist said "Oh, Aidan. This is going to be great. This is the day!"

Which triggered the lyrics and melody from some choral piece I sang oh, I don't know, 25 years ago, playing in my head:

This is the day that the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Give thanks to the Lord,
For G-d is good,
And His mercies endure forever.


If you have to have an ear worm playing over and over in your head, that isn't a bad message. This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Quote of the Day

"Did I tell you I rode in a car last week with a woman who was a professional elephant trainer?"

-- Words you never expect to hear come
out of your wife's mouth...ever.--

ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Thank you to everyone who left comments or wrote with encouragement. I am really touched.

My plan was that I would give myself until today to wallow in self-pity, the pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. And to some extent I have done that. I've managed to get four resumes out and already have my first interview scheduled for Wednesday.

I am much more depressed than I expected. The idea of a new job -- while an absolute imperative -- leaves me almost paralyzed with sadness. All I want to do is sleep. Which is bad, because I've got a bit of an insomnia problem. I don't even want to knit.

I don't know what to do to shake this.