Monday, March 05, 2007

ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Thank you to everyone who left comments or wrote with encouragement. I am really touched.

My plan was that I would give myself until today to wallow in self-pity, the pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. And to some extent I have done that. I've managed to get four resumes out and already have my first interview scheduled for Wednesday.

I am much more depressed than I expected. The idea of a new job -- while an absolute imperative -- leaves me almost paralyzed with sadness. All I want to do is sleep. Which is bad, because I've got a bit of an insomnia problem. I don't even want to knit.

I don't know what to do to shake this.

7 comments:

Chicago Jen said...

Nothing like the loss of a job and fu@kin% March in Chicago to bring you down. Try lots of Vitamin D and a walk in Gethsemane Garden Center's Greenhouse. It certainly helped me on Saturday when I thought my mood couldn't get much lower. Peace be with you my friend.

hugs said...

*hug*

Just Once -
Just once I knew what life was for.
In Boston, quite suddenly, I understood;
walked there along the Charles River,
watched the lights copying themselves,
all neoned and strobe-hearted, opening
their mouths as wide as opera singers;
counted the stars, my little campaigners,
my scar daisies, and knew that I walked my love
on the night green side of it and cried
my heart to the eastbound cars and cried
my heart to the westbound cars and took
my truth across a small humped bridge
and hurried my truth, the charm of it, home
and hoarded these constants into morning
only to find them gone.
-Anne Sexton

Anne doesn't usually make me feel good, but she generally makes me feel better. The loss of constants is so hurtful, and it does no good to ignore that pain. You have to say hello to it and shake its hand. You have no choice.

Diane said...

It's just the fear of the unknown. We all wrap ourselves in the comfort of our lives. Family, friends, job, etc. things we can count on. Take away just one thing and we panic.

Throw yourself into something ... like resume writing or picking out clothes for interviews. If you focus on just one thing for your future transition it makes the process less overwhelming. At least you feel like you are in charge of something.

Of course the not knitting part ... well that's just freightening to think about.

Angie said...

I know how you feel, but change is a necessary evil and it might even turn out to be better than you expected. You are great and will be snatched up by a lovely firm and will be greatly appreciated/rewarded...

Kate A. said...

I'm so sorry...not only does losing a job, especially one you were happy in, mean losing a major constant in your life, but there's so much stress and self-doubt attached to the whole process, right up to settling into the new job, even though the reality is that the process is totally arbitrary and unconnected to anything about you. In short, it's a mind-f*ck.

Don't try to shake this, because it'll just add to your stress and disappointment. Just survive it. Because that's all you have control over, and all you can do, and it's hard enough. But you will. Last year nearly everyone close to me was without a job. It was mass depression. Parents were laid off for no reason and discriminated against for their age. A friend searched for three years for a job only to be constantly told she was "overqualified." Multiple friends with PhDs who do great work were treated like dirt everywhere they went. 18 months later, every one of those people is employed, and everyone is happier where they are now than where they were before they were unemployed. No kidding. Surviving the in-between time was, in every case, a triumph.

roggey said...

While difficult to deal with (sorry to say, the experience lingers from years ago for me) you are doing the right thing by throwing those resumes out there.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. This is a major life stress - get a bit extra rest if you need it.

mc78 said...

Whever I get depressed I try to stay busy as possible and as social as possible. So long as you're moving forward on a job search what more can one do?