Monday, March 24, 2008

Free to a Good Home

Do you ever feel like something is missing from your life? Do you sometimes desire a personal connection to another living being -- one who is totally and forever devoted to you and you alone? Do you need someone to talk to -- love and companionship? Someone with whom you can share life's joys and challenges?

Would you consider adopting my two goldfish? Their names are Timmy*, they are 5 years old, and I have raised them from eggs. (Their parents, Cosmo and Wanda, z"l, got frisky after a water change.) They love mah jongg, walks on the beach, and hosting dinner parties.

We are about to embark on some serious construction in our place, and I am afraid they need to find another place to live.

If you want it, I will include their 29 gallon aquarium and filter. But to be honest, the filter is nearing the end of a very good run. I will even clean the aquarium top to bottom. I will deliver in the Chicago Metro area!

*Yes, they are both named Timmy. We started out with about 1000 fry -- 100 survived to fish-hood, and 50 to adulthood. It was easier to name them all Timmy than to try to remember who was who. (It did result in more than one identity crisis -- a couple are still in therapy.) We placed most of the Timmys for adoption, which is why none of our friends are currently in the market for goldfish.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I feel better now. Thank you.

That's all. Carry on.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Virginia Woolf Would Be (Sorta) Proud...Not Really...

...or "Stream of Consciousness Blogging as a Therapeutic Exercise"

OK, I am in an incredibly bad mood and it is all because of a couple of things and I swear to Dog I have tried to snap out of it but I really can't because you see a contractor tried really really hard to snow us and pressure us into accepting his bid on our kitchen last night but he didn't even bring a hard copy of the proposal -- I had to read over his shoulder to see it on his laptop --- and when I said I wasn't prepared (imagine) to give him $50,000 without seeing and being able to go over the proposal he said that if we didn't we would loose the 10% discount I mean what a jerk like who on earth would be dumb enough to do something as stupid as that but the problem is I don't know that the other people we are considering are quite as good technically although they had a great idea about replacing the pegboard in our kitchen design (a la Julia Child) with perforated stainless steal panels - doesn't that sound beautiful - but the real pissiness in the business is that I e-mailed the owner of the firm and he didn't even say I'm sorry but instead told me that the guy we'd been working with had told him that we were crazy liars and not to believe anything we say and the muckfuppet actually wrote me an e-mail which said exactly that I quote "I can with good conscience know that we made the correct decision in refusing your business and allowing another contractor to deal with your antics." now I know there are people out there who are saying "I thought he was trying to lead a more thankful life" and well I am very grateful for a lot of things but I have to say this really twists my nipples -- both of you have any idea how angry and sad and rejected and drekky that makes me it is just like when Deb J. dumped me at breakfast after prom but that turned out well because I heard she married some guy in college and didn't tell her parents she had dropped out but kept taking their tuition money and then I heard something about her house being condemned because she had hundreds of pet snakes but I digress (imagine that) .... what the hell is wrong with these people has something happened in the economy that suddenly people doing home remodels can pass up a $50,000 job willy nilly I hope those people get hemorrhoids I really do and now I'm just going to make a resolution to just feel better.

Deep breath.

On my lunch hour today I bought a copy of Debbie Bliss' Simply Baby. Norbert and I are going to dye some KnitPicks yarn using Easter egg dyes,

and I've decided to knit a Hooded Jacket for Little Bird.

(But I still feel bad.)

Thursday, March 13, 2008


Turn up the volume. Let go of your inhibitions. And listen to (and read) art.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Her name is Sally Kern*, and she represents the Oklahoma 84th. Her phone number is (405) 557-7348. Her e-mail address is She is married to Dr. Steve Kern, pastor of Olivet Baptist Church. Her committee assignments (o.m.g. I almost plotzed when I read these -- seriously, I spit up a little):

Social Services (Chair), Education Committee, Common Education, & Human Services Committee.

Those poor, poor people in Oklahoma.

*You can tell just by looking at her that this is one woman who has never had a hair between her teeth.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Three Things for Monday, March 10, 2008

  1. Vacations are lovely, but it is always nice to return to your own bed.
  2. I have not forgotten what it is like to have one of those life-shatteringly bad when I had to witness and be a part of someone's life-shatteringly bad day today, I tried to be considerate and empathetic. It didn't make it easier for me -- I'm still shaken and sad -- but I hope I made it easier for the other person.
  3. Nothing restores the soul more completely than holding a beautiful, healthy, happy baby.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Baltimore and more and more...

Today we started off with a visit to Baltimore's Lexington Market. This is a pretty intense place., but if you are hungry, this is definitely the place to go.

I have been working on a sweater for Little Bird, and, having finished the body, was prepared to move on to the sleeves. Unfortunately I hadn't packed the required double pointed needles and I really want to have the sweater finished so I can give it to her on Monday evening. Which meant we had to find a yarn shop. That wasn't hard to do -- we made our way to A Good Yarn in the Fells Point neighborhood. They had the needles I needed, and Norbert picked up a ball of Dale baby cotton to make Little Bird a face cloth. The shop is quite small, and felt even smaller because half of the shop was filled with a very feisty stash of knitters who all seemed to be laughing and talking at once. I wanted to join in, but they couldn't possibly have squeezed in another person.

This is the E.Z. 5HBS. The color is certainly vibrant. I had to stop knitting the sleeve because I only have a little more yarn with me and I want to have something to knit on the flight home. I think I can get a second sleeve done Sunday evening or catch a few minutes on Monday. (We are having dinner with Little Bird and her moms on Monday.)

A visit to Fells Point wouldn't be complete without a walk along the harbor. The fog was so beautiful. Not eerie at all -- sort of comforting.

We saw an able shucker at work.
And then we encountered a mystery. One minute they were there,

And the next minute they were gone. Where'd they go?

We survived Baltimore...whether or not Baltimore survives us is yet to be seen!

Friday, March 07, 2008

Three Things for Thursday, February 21, 2008





(Today I am grateful for beauty. 1. A shot of the staircase in the Jefferson Building of the Library of Congress. 2. The dome, taken from the Rotunda of the U.S. Capital Building. 3. The interior of Penn Stations, Baltimore, MD.)

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Three Things for Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Baltimore Edition

So far I've managed to keep to my "Baltimore Diet" of treif three times a day. One day down, four to go. Breakfast at the airport (4:30 a.m.) was an egg mcmuffin thingy with Canadian bacon. For lunch with Norbert on the sunny harbor (in shirt sleeves!) I had a pound of spicy steamed peal-and-eat shrimp. And dinner was Szeshuan -- both spicy shrimp and spicy pork. But on to Three more important Things.

  1. Warm sunshine dancing on the water in the harbor. It was so pretty. Who can feel down when sitting in the warm sin?
  2. One of those fun moments I won't ever forget -- trying on hats with Norbert at Hats in The Belfry in The Gallery. We both look good in fedoras and porkpies.
  3. Our hotel is all suites...Norbert has a sleeper sofa in the living room...which means the Lovely Myfanwe and I have a little bit of privacy...
Gotta go.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


My plans for our trip to Baltimore look like this:

Day 1. Wake up before G-d. Drink lots of coffee. Fly to Baltimore. Check in at hotel. Send Myfanwe to conference. Eat traif*. Wander around with Norbert. Eat traif again. Meet Myfanwe back at hotel. Sleep.

Day 2. Wake up after G-d, but before decent people. Drink lots of coffee. Take cab to commuter train. Take commuter train with Norbert to Washinton, D.C. and go visit my Best Man, who is a Congresswoman. Tour U.S. Capital, Library of Congress, eat traif. If there is time, head to the Hirschorn, because I love it so very, very much. Eat more traif. Commute back. Meet Myfanwe at the airport. Sleep.

Day 3. Wake up whenever the hell I please. Nothing else planned until meeting Myfanwe at the end of her conference and possibly taking in the Baltimore Jewish Museum. And eating traif. (This is called irony.)

Day 4. I'm certain Myfanwe, who is a much better person and parent than I, will have this day completely planned with interesting and educational activities. My only addition to the day is that I plan to eat traif. Several times.

Day 5. We leave in the afternoon, so we only have the morning. I plan to eat traif.

So, there are a few blanks in the schedule. Anyone have any ideas?

*Traif means not kosher. Pork and shellfish, basically. We don't bring these things into our home, and Myfanwe wouldn't touch them. Although she thinks that makes her a better Jew, I believe that observance is about what brings G-d into you life -- and I have had some scampi that has caused me to praise G-d. But only when we eat out.

Three Things for Monday, March 3, 2008

  1. Most Mondays are crap-ass because I have to wake up to an alarm and do those annoying workday things like bathe and shave. But today I had to tighten my belt a notch. To the last hole. Does anyone know what that means?
  2. I feel most fulfilled in the kitchen. Rarely do I feel such a strong sense of accomplishment as I do when I am in the kitchen. It doesn't have to be huge -- emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up after dinner, taking bread out of the oven -- I love seeing actual results.
  3. I ordered yarn and purchased Easter egg dye so I can make a little spring outfit for the Little Bird! I like having a plan.

Monday, March 03, 2008

5HK17HC26HFMF123HDS Explained

Despite what most people say, I have decided that 5HBS does not mean "Five Hour Baby Sweater". It really means "Five Hours of Knitting, Seventeen Hours of Cussing, Twenty-Six Hours Frogging the Mo Fo and One Hundred Twenty-Three Hours Spent in Denial Sweater"

Maybe 5HK17HC26HFMF123HDS just doesn't roll of the tongue like 5HBS.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Three Things for Sunday, March 2, 2008

  1. My son is a remarkably agreeable and accommodating young man. Norbert was so good about letting Myfanwe and I both go to our respective offices so that we can keep on top of work. He spent 4 hours at my office watching DVD's and playing his beloved video games. Not a single complaint. (Myfanwe, Bless her, has three -- count 'em -- three trials in March -- and we are going to be away for a week of the month. I don't know when she expects to sleep. Poor dear.
  2. Crest Whitening Toothpaste with Scope. Zing!
  3. We went to Norbert's school's annual dinner tonight. It was fair to middling food, but you won't hear a complaint from either of us. (A diet can really change your perspective.) It was like getting to eat like real people. I ate ever bite of ever dish the Hyatt Regency staff placed in front of me. Divine.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Three Things for Saturday, March 1, 2008

  1. I managed to sit through cabinet design with two different manufacturers without crying or pulling my hair out. I am so glad I will only have to do this once in my lifetime. (Though a part of me says "Wait! I have to have more than 30 good years left. I have so much more I want to do!") Who else but me would suffer a crisis of mortality while remodeling a kitchen? It looks like we chose a tile for the floor. I saw one tile at Home Depot that didn't make me vomit and one that did. I brought home one of each. Myfanwe looked at the non-emetic tile and said, "Oh. I like that one."
  2. I made 20 pints of apricot orange marmalade this evening. It could have been 22, but I ran short of jars. I don't know how a person can feel sorry for themselves when they have marmalade in the pantry.
  3. I have begun a 5HBS -- a Five Hour Baby Sweater -- for Little Bird. I am knitting it in the most striking lime-green cotton. I have given Myfanwe the task of locating a suitable pair of navy pants to go with.