I WANT TO, BUT I CAN'T

I recently downloaded ABC's hit comedy Ugly Betty from iTunes, and started making my way through the episodes. I really, really want to like Ugly Betty. I really do. I loved The Devil Wears Prada, and I live for Project Runway, and nobody loves a snappy retort better than I. But I can't love it. I can't. And here are the reasons why:

1. It makes me tense. I swear, I've had to stop each episode at least 5 times each because I am already emotionally invested enough in Miss Betty Suarez that I can't stand the thought of something bad happening to her. (I remember not liking Gomer Pyle at the age of 4 for exactly the same reason. I used to complain that Sarge should stop yelling at Gomer.) I don't watch much television, but when I do, I gravitate to shows like The West Wing where the characters are smart and funny and not out to hurt one another.

2. I don't like mean girls. And this show has entirely too many of them. Everywhere you look, there's another mean girl. I swear to dog, there are more mean girls on one episode than in my high school senior class, which had 85 girls and 9 guys. (I was in the first co-ed class at a 125 year old prep school. 82 of the girls were mean.)

If Ugly Betty were my only New York point of reference, I would be certain that 9 out of 10 women in New York were plastic, premenstrual, anorexic barracudas. But having lived there, I know that the number is more like 6 out of 10.


3. Vanessa Williams gives me the wiggins. Those unfortunate naughty pictures aside, I always though Vanessa Williams was sweat and good...like a Disney star. But my, how she's changed. I think it is safe to say she isn't going to be bursting into "Colors of the Wind" on this series. She's completely without a soul. I honestly didn't recognize her -- they've got her so angloed-up, I thought it was a white Episcopalian woman who needed to take a few steps away from the spray tan. But it really is Vanessa Williams. And would someone please tell me just how many black women are there named Wilhelmina? (Also, having seen those naughty pictures of Vanessa, one thing is obvious...she can now afford a good wax.)

4. Is it just me, or is this show WAY too much like Desperate Housewives? It's got anorexic Latinas, manipulative fathers, private investigators, missing persons...all it's missing is arson. Even the music and camerawork reminds me of DH. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. Nor is it necessarily a bad thing. I'm just saying...




I want to state for the record that the show has some really big things going for it. America Ferrara is amazing as Betty Suarez. I love her. (I do want to know why she spends her nights with curlers in her hair when it obviously isn't helping her, but I know that sometimes you need to let art flow over you rather than question every little thing. But still...hasn't she heard of hot rollers or a curling iron?) But I love her. She represents everything that is good and true and loyal and stellar in the world. I wish she could come over and make empenadas. (Personally, I like spicy beef and olive.)


I also love, love, love Ashley Jensen who plays Christina. I love her voice -- reminiscent of peat and pipe tobacco -- and I love her accent, and I would pay good money just to listen to this Scottish lass read from the phone book. I melt just thinking about it.

I still have 10 episodes to watch, but I don't know if my heart can take it. I'm pretty sure it's causing a spike in my blood pressure. They are just so MEAN on this show.

ON ANOTHER SUBJECT ALTOGETHER


I found this picture on the wires -- I'm not kidding...this was in a Prada's fall/winter collection at Milan's fashion week. Is it just me, or does this sweater make him look pregnant? I could write 500 words about the dearth of talented men's knitwear designers, but really, after this picture, it would just be overkill.

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME...

When Stitches in Britches held its first meeting a year ago, Jonathon and I were the only ones in attendance. On Tuesday, as we celebrated our first anniversary, we had a very nice croud, indeed.

From left to right in the photo above are Lane, knitting with us for the second time, Kevin, Fred, and Gary, all three new to the group, Charles, a regular, and Jonathan -- one of Britches' three co-founders.

Charles was working on a blanket, Jonathan on a teddy bear...

Kevin was picking up stitches as part of a top-down sweater...

Gary knitting the same top-down, just a bit farther along...

Lane was working on a scarf. Too bad it was so hot in Argo, because Lane wore his first sweater, which he had been finishing during his virst visit to Britches.

Fred does beautiful cable work. Note, the sweater he is wearing is also of his own hand...

No photos of me, but I am working on the bottom of what I am going to call my Big Ass Bag. It is a felted tote I am making from bits 'o stash. Everytime I pick it up I start humming Never Ending Story from the 80's movie by the same name. "Turn around, look at what you see, in her eyes, the mirror of your dreams..." Terrible movie, but the song is part of the soundtrack of my youth.

We missed out dear friend Franklin, but hope he can join us again soon. Franklin adds a bit of magic wherever he goes!

To our new knitters -- welcome. We are very happy to have you and look forward to many hours of knitting, laughing, gossiping and kvetching!

I would like to thank my fellow knitters for their friendship, generosity of spirit, and good humor. Here's to another great year!

I LIKE GREEK

My plenty-third birthday fell on a workday this year, so we put off going out for dinner until the weekend. Myfanwe, Norbert and I spent a very pleasant Sunday afternoon/evening at The Parthenon in Chicago's Greektown. We ate family style, and what a meal it was! We had:

Bread
Saganaki
Taramasalada
Tzatziki
Gyros
Greek salad
Dolmades
Roasted Lamb
Pastichio
Mousaka
Baklava
Galaktoburiko

I tried to take a picture of the lamb roasting on a spit in the window, but the glass reflected the flash.

After dinner we stopped by the bakery to pick up a few chocolate walnut cookies for lunches this week. (Trust me, we were all too full to even contemplate having another bite tonight!)

A day like this can really take the edge off of growing older!

MAY HER MEMORY FOREVER BE A BLESSING

Today's Chicago Tribune contained an obituary for Marion Alshuler Despres, aged 96, a long time community leader, preservationist, and architecture cheerleader. Her father designed our synagogue.

Mrs. Despres and her husband, former Chicago alderman Leon Despres, were married for 75 years. I didn't know her very well -- I'd met her a couple of times over the years as I ushered at high holidays or at other social events in Hyde Park -- and I never suspected her really cool secret.

Now forgive me if I have any of the details wrong -- Myfanwe already recycled the Tribune.

Accompanying her obituary was a picture or Marion Despres standing in front of a portrait painted of her by Diego Rivera. It seems The Despres' had taken a suitcase of clothing to Mexico for Leon Trotsky, who had been exiled from Russia and was living with Rivera and his wife, Frida Kahlo. Rivera painted the portrait of Mrs. Despres while Leon Despres and Frida Kahlo took Trotsky to a movie!

Isn't that just about the coolest thing you've ever heard?

May her memory forever be a blessing. And let us say amen.

Happy New Year!

May the New Year be filled with joy, prosperity, and laughter for you and those you hold dear.

The Gang with the bones of a lovely meal.
From l to r: Babu, George, Bahb, Maxine, Norbert, Myfanwe, & Penelope.

Myfanwe, Norbert and I started off the New Year with dim sum with our friends Bahb and Babu, their daughter, George, and her partner, Maxine, and the lovely Dr. Penelope. Myfanwe was awed when she learned Dr. Penelope's daughter has been on several episodes of the various Law & Order shows. (Myfanwe is a bit of an L&O addict.) We had some lovely dim sum at Furama -- I am particularly fond of their fresh silken tofu with brown sugar sauce, curried baby octapus, and picled vegetables. I tried their coconut jelly for the first time and wish I'd had more -- there is very little one could do with a coconut that wouldn't please me!

Aren't they lovely? George is in her first year of law school in St. Louis, while Maxine is completing her residency. In a stroke of good fortune, Maxine got her fellowship match and she will be spending the next three or four years in an GYN-oncology fellowship in St. Louis! The have good reason to smile. (We have friends who are going to spend the next three years with one in Houston and one in North Carolina.)

Something's Buggin' Me

I've spent a week working through the worst stomach flu I've ever known. Terrible. I'm completely wiped. And, as if my wasn't feeling bad enough, it weakened my immune system enough so I could be trounced again by the rear guard -- this time a hacking cough that prevents me from sleeping any way but sitting up.

I'm now thinking that my first expedition into the outside world should not have been a Target After-Christmas sale. I started coughing about 20 feet inside the door, and after about 5 minutes Myfanwe thought I was going to pass out.

Then, while Norbert, Myfanwe, and I were standing in the check-out lane, we witnessed a woman about 10 lanes from us beating a little girl with a belt. The little girl was screaming and fell to the floor, where the woman commenced kicking her. People actually looked away, as if it witnessing this crime were embarrassing rather than mortifying.

No one sprang to the girl's defense.

I called 911, but the woman left the store before police got there.

And I can't help but think that if that woman had put an eighty-five cent candy bar into her pocket, Target would have called the police. Do you think they have a policy not to intervene when someone beats their child with a belt and kicks them in the abdomen?

Somewhere there is a little girl whose mother beats her and kicks her. I can't do anything for her. And this realization makes me crazy.

MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED

BUT THEN AGAIN, SO AM I...

My Grandmother, may she rest in peace, always said, "If you can'’t say anything nice, don'’t say anything at all."”

Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, "If you haven't got anything nice to say, come sit by me."

I try to live somewhere in the middle, leaning --– when I can --– to saying nice things.

When I received a pre-publication copy of Michael del Vecchio'’s Knitting With Balls: a hands-on guide to knitting for the Modern Man, I was prepared to love it. I'’m a guy, I'm (fairly) modern, and I live to knit. So I fixed a tea tray, changed into my comfy jammies, and plopped myself in an overstuffed chair to read.

After three months of looking for good things to say, I still haven'’t come up with one. So I'’m just going to have to go with the truth.

First, there i’s the title. I'm not a prude, but I think the title is course. Yes, it i’s clever -- hands-on balls and all -- but it is also vulgar.

Next, the cover illustration has to be addressed. The well-composed photo of a man'’s torso in a crew-neck sweater, needles and yarn clenched in each manly hand. The problem? The crew-necked sweater on the cover is not in the book! Really! Well, ok, it is, but for the cover photo the model is wearing it backwards. BACKWARDS! I couldn't make this up! The pattern in the book [With the manly name of Bootcut Sweater] has a plunging neckline that would make Elvira blush.

And once you open the cover, it's straight downhill.

I really don'’t have the patience to outline every ill-conceived or poorly-written pattern -- there are just too many of them -- so I'm just going to give you the highlights.

The first pattern in the book is for a Knit Wallet & Business Card Holder knit in bulky chenille yarn. I'’ve had backpacks that weren'’t this thick. I don't want to think how it would feel in my back pocket. I'’m pretty sure it would leave a divot in my ass.

The Chu'llu Hat and Scarf. An attractive green diamond brocade patterned scarf with coordinating hat (with an unfortunate long flap in the back), both with an absolutely awful key motif in white and black which has absolutely no relationship to the rest of the pattern and looks like an afterthought. The result is abysmal.

Medallion Mitts. Cabled fingerless gauntlets knit in variegated merino in shades of electric blue, lime green, and chartreuse. I a’m not a fan of variegated yarns, even when they are used well. And it seems like Mr. del Vecchio has never met a variegated yarn he didn'’t try to wrestle into submission. He is not, for the most part, successful.

The Casual Fridays Vest is actually attractive. I would have knit it in black instead of slate blue, but that is a matter of taste. The proportions are nice, the stitch pattern gives interest without being fussy. But there is absolutely nothing casual about this vest. It is the most formal piece in the book.

Now we come to one of the most problematic patterns in the book. The Hooded Alpaca Parka. Notice the light shining through the hood. Oh, and the thumb-ie things, which I am sure are very athletic and butch. Honestly -- I can'’t for the life of me, imagine who would wear a gold lacy hoody.


Oh, wait. I know:



Just when I thought things couldn'’t get any worse, I turned the page to see the Knee-Length Coat.


As advertised, it is a knee-length car-coat, the body of which is knit in four panels with an all-over cable pattern knit in Noro Ino. Had this been knit in a solid color, this would have been an entirely different sweater -- not necessarilly attractive, mind you, but different. As it is, it looks like the Noro rep gacked up a giant hairball.

I'm too tired to write about the Home Accessories chapter of the book. Suffice it to say I a’m not going to be knitting any beer bottle cozies. I also can't comment on the Utility Cloth... this is a family blog, for Dog's sake. You'’ll have to look through the book and see it for yourself.

I guess my deepest disappointment about this book is that it wastes the opportunity to discuss the differences between designing knitwear for men and to seriously set forth designs that were both tasteful and wearable. This is a pity. I hope that there is someone out there who can write such a book, because there are men and women would benefit from reading it.

It is possible to write both "cool" books about knitting that are both tasteful and attract the younger generation. Debbie Stoller and Stephanie Pearl McPhee have managed more than one each.

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

MC asked for my recipe for Chocolate Pixies, a chocolate cookie dough rolled in powdered sugar which, when baked, creates a beautiful crackled black and white relief. I made a batch and took them to the Chicago observance of World Wide Knit in Public Day, and people remembered them!

This isn't technically MY recipe. It was given to me about 10 years ago by my friend Kate, a.k.a. Monkeyballs. I tinkered with it a little, but not much. She knows a good cookie when she sees one.

Chocolate Pixies

5 ounces bittersweet chocolate

¼ cup unsalted butter (1/2 stick)

2 1/4 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

2 cups sugar

3 eggs

½ cup chopped walnuts

1 cup confectioners’ sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 300°.
   
2. In a bowl set over simmering water, combine chocolate and butter. Stir often until melted and smooth. Remove from over the hot water and allow to cool slightly. Add the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar and mix well. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add the walnuts and stir just until combined. Refrigerate for 1 hour.
3. Shape into balls using a small scoop or tablespoon. Roll each ball in confectioners’ sugar and place on greased or parchment-lined baking sheets.
4. Bake for 18 to 21 minutes. Allow to cool for 5 minutes on the tray before removing carefully to a wire rack. Store in an airtight container with waxed paper between layers.

Makes 4 dozen cookies.

Wee Gifties.

Ready to pack up and send to my nephew and his fiance. I decided on cables for them because they are making plans to intertwine their lives and families. (His fiance, the Viking Lily, is a wonderful addition to the family and everyone loves her to bits!)

Also finished are a lovely green scarf for my brother from Irish tweed my brother brought me from Ireland and a felted bucket hat for my Sister-in-Law. I will post pics once the scarf is washed. (It's a little scratchy -- I'm hoping a soak with a little fabric softener will help.)

I still need to finish a felted handbag for one niece, a long silk decorative scarf for my niece in Thailand, and a cabled hat (from the remaining tweed) for my other nephew. Oh, and Norbert wants a cabled hat as well.



Oops -- I almost forgot to show off the wee giftie I bought myself! It is the perfect knitting bag...very sturdy fabric, washable, and the draw-string closure at the top keeps your yarn from jumping ship, but doesn't catch or cut the yarn the way zippers can! The bag is part of an environmentally and politically "a-wear" line from InSolidariTee Inc. I bought it at a Hanukah fair at my synagogue. I don't see this particular bag on the website, but I bet you can e-mail and ask. ( I would also love a black bag with a simple Om on it...wouldn't that be cool?) Anyway, check out the site. If you don't like pinko-commie-tree-huggin'-hippie-buddah-lovin'-liberal-crap, then don't bother. But then again, if you didn't like pinko-commie-tree-huggin'-hippie-buddah-lovin'-liberal-crap, you probably wouldn't be reading this blog. So Peace Out, my Brothers and Sisters.

No Excuse, Really.

I have absolutely no excuse for having failed to post in a month. Well, except for trying to juggle a greatly increased workload and very stressful deadlines at work and a very busy family life. But aside from that I have no excuse.


After services at synagogue this morning we came home, took a wee nappie, then hied ourselves to Target to battle the holiday hoards. You see, Daddy needed a new digital camera. One that actually took pictures.


After Target we drove to Chinatown, where we had a pleasant meal at The Noodle. The bones of said meal can be seen below, utilizing the camera's sepia setting.


The bakery found us back in color, ordering three different kinds of coconut bun. I think the woman who waited on us was thinking "Damn! Who would have thought while people liked coconut so much!" We do. And, given their beauty, who wouldn't?