Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Scardey Cat.

I am having some fairly substantial oral surgery on Friday. General anesthetic. Myfanwe is going to go with me.

I don't like pain -- I think you all know I'm a big baby. But now the drama queen in me has decided to date the neurotic guy inside me. So in addition to my fears of dentists, I'm now afraid I'm going to die in the chair. The old ticker could just stop -snap- just like that.

Don't laugh. My cousin, Karen, went to the dermatologist for dermabrasion and died in the chair. Just a few blocks from where I'll be. She was much younger than I am -- newly married, with a great life ahead of her. She was beautiful. (Note: her dermatologist turned out to be a psycho who ended up losing her license...and being married to a murderer, if I remember correctly.)

Then the horrible uglies go through my head -- Myfanwe would be alone, they'd have to tell Norbert at camp, there are these important projects at work that I haven't completed, Norbert would grow up without me and would someday forget the look of my face or the sound of my voice ... I'd never see him become a bar mitzvah ... never dance at his wedding ... never bake bobka for my grandchildren. Norbert wouldn't remember how much I love him and how important he is to me.

On the plus side -- If I live, I'm going to get several days eating all the Jello I want. This makes it almost a holiday. I loves me some Jello. And after THAT, I get to move up to pudding and applesauce. We are talking my three favorite food groups. After a couple of days, I can wash it all down with hot tea. That will be like icing on the cake. I'm going to make massive quantities of Jello Thusday night -- Raspberry flavor and Watermelon.

If anything happens to me, will one of you finish the shawl I'm knitting for my Cousin Margie? (I've currently knitted 37,920 stitches -- out of an estimated 73,312 stitches.) And please tell Myfanwe and Norbert that I loved them with all my fur? I think they know that, but it doesn't hurt to remind them. REmind Myfanwe that, from the moment I set eyes on her, I've been madly and irretrievably in love with her. The worst day with her was always 100 times better than the best day without her. Thanks. You all rock.

If I should die, give my 8000 yards of ultra lace wight cashmere and merino to Stephanie Pearl McFee. Maybe she'll do a shawl for Myfanwe, who will be lost without me and who will find great comfort in a shawl made from my final wishes.

Oh, I know I've gotten this promise before, but it is worth reinforcing. Can you make sure someone brings kugel to shiva? MY favorite is made with pineapple tidbits, but I also like it with raisins with the corn flake crust. Naomi Rifkind made a spectacular kugel. If you need the recipe, call Myfanwe and tell her it's in the breadbox. She'll find it for you.

Wish me luck. And please forgive if I'm not up to speed for a little while.


Alida said...

Dear Aidan Franklin can finish the shawl. He is doing great with his niece's christening shawl! Best wishes and a speedy recovery. Alida

Diane said...

I'm a big scardey cat on all things dental but I won't let them put me out for anything for the same neurotic reason you are outlining.

I know everything will go fine and hope you have a wonderful time with your jello, pudding and applesauce. Gotta agree that they are 3 wonderful food groups.

Sarah HB said...

You will be fine!

Good wishes for a speedy recovery.

anne marie in philly said...

good luck with the surgery. grape and strawberry and lime jello are my faves.

we will be here when you return. and yes, you WILL return.