Because I Don't Like You.

(Note: In consideration of, if not compliance with, The Pearl Principles, names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

There is this woman I know, Darla, who really ticks me off. She goes to a Stitch n Bitch I used to attend. I'm not exaggerating -- I would rather stay home and stick hat pins in my thigh than have to attend the SnB when she is there.

One of the (many) things that I don't like about Darla is that she is an unnecessary yarn snob. She will brag about the brand and price of every yarn she knits. I have actually heard her tell people knitting on an inexpensive yarn that she wouldn't be caught dead knitting with cheap yarn such as theirs. I kid you not -- if you tell her that you just found out that a friend of yours has cancer, she will find a way to steer the conversation back to how expensive her yarn is and how much better it is than yours. (This has happened.) That was almost offensive as the time she told a woman who was crocheting a shawl that she thought crochet would be a good skill to teach retarded people.

And I swear to Dog, if I have to hear about her trips to Europe (always as if Europe was a country, not a continent) one more time, the hat pins are going to be used for a trans-orbital lobotomy. (Don't ask if the lobotomy is for her or me -- I've not decided yet.)

I don't believe writing this violates the Pearl Principles. I know for a fact that this woman won't read what I'm writing. When I mentioned something I'd posted on this blog, she said, "Oh, I never read blogs. They are all written by stupid people -- if these people knew what they were doing, they wouldn't be giving it away."

And even if she read this, she wouldn't know it was her. I could read it to her myself and she would ask me if she knew the person. She is that oblivious.

Because of this woman, I stopped attending one of my SnBs. I really miss it. I miss my friends. My Bitches are important to me. But I did not and would not and could not have even a moment of fun if this woman was there.

Writing this won't do anything, I understand. It certainly won't change Darla's personality. It isn't going to make me find her less offensive. And I doubt it will even make me feel any better. I'm not exactly sure why I wrote it. Except that you all are great people and sometimes talking to you makes me feel loads better.

(I miss my friend, Hugs, who would have known what to do with this woman. His solution would have started with a bag of Sacrete and ended with a pack of cigarettes and a micro-brew, but he would have know exactly what to do. Hugs, dearest -- you are missed.)

Now I think I'll go clear my mind and knit on the Prayer Shawl for a little while. It will be good to think positive thoughts.