Do you ever feel like something is missing from your life? Do you sometimes desire a personal connection to another living being -- one who is totally and forever devoted to you and you alone? Do you need someone to talk to -- love and companionship? Someone with whom you can share life's joys and challenges?
Would you consider adopting my two goldfish? Their names are Timmy*, they are 5 years old, and I have raised them from eggs. (Their parents, Cosmo and Wanda, z"l, got frisky after a water change.) They love mah jongg, walks on the beach, and hosting dinner parties.
We are about to embark on some serious construction in our place, and I am afraid they need to find another place to live.
If you want it, I will include their 29 gallon aquarium and filter. But to be honest, the filter is nearing the end of a very good run. I will even clean the aquarium top to bottom. I will deliver in the Chicago Metro area!
*Yes, they are both named Timmy. We started out with about 1000 fry -- 100 survived to fish-hood, and 50 to adulthood. It was easier to name them all Timmy than to try to remember who was who. (It did result in more than one identity crisis -- a couple are still in therapy.) We placed most of the Timmys for adoption, which is why none of our friends are currently in the market for goldfish.