Itinerary

My plans for our trip to Baltimore look like this:

Day 1. Wake up before G-d. Drink lots of coffee. Fly to Baltimore. Check in at hotel. Send Myfanwe to conference. Eat traif*. Wander around with Norbert. Eat traif again. Meet Myfanwe back at hotel. Sleep.

Day 2. Wake up after G-d, but before decent people. Drink lots of coffee. Take cab to commuter train. Take commuter train with Norbert to Washinton, D.C. and go visit my Best Man, who is a Congresswoman. Tour U.S. Capital, Library of Congress, eat traif. If there is time, head to the Hirschorn, because I love it so very, very much. Eat more traif. Commute back. Meet Myfanwe at the airport. Sleep.

Day 3. Wake up whenever the hell I please. Nothing else planned until meeting Myfanwe at the end of her conference and possibly taking in the Baltimore Jewish Museum. And eating traif. (This is called irony.)

Day 4. I'm certain Myfanwe, who is a much better person and parent than I, will have this day completely planned with interesting and educational activities. My only addition to the day is that I plan to eat traif. Several times.

Day 5. We leave in the afternoon, so we only have the morning. I plan to eat traif.

So, there are a few blanks in the schedule. Anyone have any ideas?

*Traif means not kosher. Pork and shellfish, basically. We don't bring these things into our home, and Myfanwe wouldn't touch them. Although she thinks that makes her a better Jew, I believe that observance is about what brings G-d into you life -- and I have had some scampi that has caused me to praise G-d. But only when we eat out.